As most of you know, Colorado is completely engulfed in flames. There are 6 active fires going at this time. The Waldo Canyon fire and the Flagstaff fire are the worst two right now. I have multiple family and friends who are being affected by these fires. I am not a religious person, but I ask everyone to pray for Colorado that we will get some rain and have these fires under control soon.
<3
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Woah, Update!
Ok, it has definitely been WAY too long since I got on here...life is just full of surprises, I guess.
So, let me pick up from where I left off. Last time I was on here, I was living with my really good friend from high school and her family. They were really good to me, gave me more than enough, and were so kind. Unfortunately, wires were crossed, words were misspoken, and I was kicked out due to a lack of honesty on my friend's side. Going from being an only child to having your friend live with you creates jealousy. Thankfully, we are on speaking terms now, and I feel that things were worked out.
Shortly after I moved, I started dating my best friend, Brady. We have been best friends for a few years. I never thought in a million years that I would be dating him, but it happened. He made me so happy. We ended up being engaged for a while. After a few weeks of being engaged, we broke off the engagement and decided to go back to dating. He was planning on going to boot camp, and we felt that we were too young.
To my utter surprise, Brady completely ended things in the middle of January. I was so blindsided and heartbroken. He was my world, and I was afraid that us breaking up meant that I would have lost my best friend, too.
Word to the wise: Don't EVER do something reckless just because you are hurting. I did something really stupid after Brady and I broke up, because I wanted to spite him and make him hurt as much as I was. I went and lost my virginity to someone who had no reserve or care for me. I have regretted it everyday since.
Before and during my time with Brady, I stayed with another past foster mom for a few days as I figured things out. She mentioned that she had a friend that was renting a room out of her condo for $300 a month. I barely knew this lady; I had met her a few times before.
So, two days later, I was moved into my new place. For privacy's sake, we will call my landlord/roommate, L. She seemed nice. She was in her late 30's, single and was never home. It seemed like a good set up at the time...
A few weeks later, L started showing her true colors. She was a controlling, angry woman. She would text me when I was at work, or out doing something and tell me to be home at a certain time. I would tell her no, as I was 19 and did not have anyone to answer to. She would get upset if I didn't feed her dog, and even threatened to take me to court for not taking care of him.
I lived there for 8 months, and finally found a place of my own. I gave L my 30 days. A few days before I was supposed to leave, I got a call from the apartment that I was planning on renting out. They informed me that the complex was being fumagated for black mold and that I would not be able to move in until further notice. Thank goodness, they refunded all my money.
My boyfriend, Alistair, said that I could crash with him until I found another place, as I did not want to wait that long to move into the previous apartment. So, that is where I am at now! I have possibly found a place in Littleton that I will go look at on Friday, and if it's what I want (and I pass the application), I will have a new one-bedroom to call home on July 12! Although it's been a rough year, I must say that I love my life. I have an amazing job at Murray Motor Imports, a car, an awesome boyfriend, and even better friends and family.
<3
So, let me pick up from where I left off. Last time I was on here, I was living with my really good friend from high school and her family. They were really good to me, gave me more than enough, and were so kind. Unfortunately, wires were crossed, words were misspoken, and I was kicked out due to a lack of honesty on my friend's side. Going from being an only child to having your friend live with you creates jealousy. Thankfully, we are on speaking terms now, and I feel that things were worked out.
Shortly after I moved, I started dating my best friend, Brady. We have been best friends for a few years. I never thought in a million years that I would be dating him, but it happened. He made me so happy. We ended up being engaged for a while. After a few weeks of being engaged, we broke off the engagement and decided to go back to dating. He was planning on going to boot camp, and we felt that we were too young.
To my utter surprise, Brady completely ended things in the middle of January. I was so blindsided and heartbroken. He was my world, and I was afraid that us breaking up meant that I would have lost my best friend, too.
Word to the wise: Don't EVER do something reckless just because you are hurting. I did something really stupid after Brady and I broke up, because I wanted to spite him and make him hurt as much as I was. I went and lost my virginity to someone who had no reserve or care for me. I have regretted it everyday since.
Before and during my time with Brady, I stayed with another past foster mom for a few days as I figured things out. She mentioned that she had a friend that was renting a room out of her condo for $300 a month. I barely knew this lady; I had met her a few times before.
So, two days later, I was moved into my new place. For privacy's sake, we will call my landlord/roommate, L. She seemed nice. She was in her late 30's, single and was never home. It seemed like a good set up at the time...
A few weeks later, L started showing her true colors. She was a controlling, angry woman. She would text me when I was at work, or out doing something and tell me to be home at a certain time. I would tell her no, as I was 19 and did not have anyone to answer to. She would get upset if I didn't feed her dog, and even threatened to take me to court for not taking care of him.
I lived there for 8 months, and finally found a place of my own. I gave L my 30 days. A few days before I was supposed to leave, I got a call from the apartment that I was planning on renting out. They informed me that the complex was being fumagated for black mold and that I would not be able to move in until further notice. Thank goodness, they refunded all my money.
My boyfriend, Alistair, said that I could crash with him until I found another place, as I did not want to wait that long to move into the previous apartment. So, that is where I am at now! I have possibly found a place in Littleton that I will go look at on Friday, and if it's what I want (and I pass the application), I will have a new one-bedroom to call home on July 12! Although it's been a rough year, I must say that I love my life. I have an amazing job at Murray Motor Imports, a car, an awesome boyfriend, and even better friends and family.
<3
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Sept. 10, 2011
Today is Suicide Awareness/Prevention Day. I went with Tia's mom, Michaele, to the "Out of the Darkness" Suicide Prevention Walk. It was amazing. I cried during most of it, but I have never felt so at peace. Trish, Brooke, David, and Blake, I miss all of you, and to anyone out there who has lost a loved one due to suicide, I love you too, and I'm so sorry for your loss
<3 Hugs,
Mariah
<3 Hugs,
Mariah
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
September 6, 2011
Deja Vu, much? I was just reading my February 11th entry, and I realized something. That's EXACTLY how I feel right now, but with someone else. I am sensing a pattern, here. It's the "I like you, let's text, hang out, make out, OH, never mind I want to date another girl" pattern. Makes no sense to me. If it's true that guys like a challenge, how come he left me for the easier girl, the one who is willing to sleep with him? Hmmm. Frustrating.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
September 4, 2011
So, this might be an insane, intense update. It's going to be part rant, part update, part bawling my eyes out, and part bitching people out.
So, to make a long story short:
As some of you may know, I am not LDS (mormon) anymore. I have my reasons why, and they are too personal to be disclosed here. I moved back home near the end of July, and lived with my "adoped" ginger mom. Not going to mention names, but the man I mentioned previously that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, played me, and is now dating the girl he was sleeping with the whole time we were dating...
A month after moving back, everything sort of fell apart. I lost the man I loved, my mom kicked me out due to lack of money$, and I had nowhere to go. Until one of my good friends in high school let me come live with her and her family. I am so grateful for them, and everything they have done for me.
That's pretty much the really, super condensed version of everything that has happened within the past month or so since I moved back. It's been crazy, but I have realized some things.
Don't believe something just because you were raised that way. Learn to be independent when it comes to belief. I took a step back, realized that mormonism was not something I believed in, it was something I was used to. I had been mormon for 19 years, and it's not who I was. I thing the LDS religion is totally fine, and some of my best friends are LDS. But, I need to follow what I believe.
Also, if you believe something different than me, DO NOT try and shove what you believe and what you think is correct down my throat. It's not going to change my opinion. Just because you say, "Well, you aren't getting into heaven if you don't go to church", it sure as hell won't want to make me go back. So, zip it.
Ok, well, I think I'm done ranting for today. If I feel like I need to add onto this, I will.
Goodnight, world.
So, to make a long story short:
As some of you may know, I am not LDS (mormon) anymore. I have my reasons why, and they are too personal to be disclosed here. I moved back home near the end of July, and lived with my "adoped" ginger mom. Not going to mention names, but the man I mentioned previously that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, played me, and is now dating the girl he was sleeping with the whole time we were dating...
A month after moving back, everything sort of fell apart. I lost the man I loved, my mom kicked me out due to lack of money$, and I had nowhere to go. Until one of my good friends in high school let me come live with her and her family. I am so grateful for them, and everything they have done for me.
That's pretty much the really, super condensed version of everything that has happened within the past month or so since I moved back. It's been crazy, but I have realized some things.
Don't believe something just because you were raised that way. Learn to be independent when it comes to belief. I took a step back, realized that mormonism was not something I believed in, it was something I was used to. I had been mormon for 19 years, and it's not who I was. I thing the LDS religion is totally fine, and some of my best friends are LDS. But, I need to follow what I believe.
Also, if you believe something different than me, DO NOT try and shove what you believe and what you think is correct down my throat. It's not going to change my opinion. Just because you say, "Well, you aren't getting into heaven if you don't go to church", it sure as hell won't want to make me go back. So, zip it.
Ok, well, I think I'm done ranting for today. If I feel like I need to add onto this, I will.
Goodnight, world.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
I'm going home!
I'm finally doing it! I am going back home to Colorado! I've missed home so much. I have been in Utah for a year, and I'm just not happy here. I want to go back home where I have all of my life-long friends, and family. I am so homesick, and it's time for me to go home. I am going up to Orem this Friday to take photos of my friend's wedding, and then, I'm taking a bus from Provo to Denver on Sunday morning! I am SO STOKED! I will miss all the amazing people that I have met in Utah, though! Keep in touch!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
July 19, 2011
Why do I always do this!?
I keep driving people away that I care about. It's like I'm too scared to let people close, because if they hurt me, the pain will be too much. So, if I keep them at arm's length, there is no chance I can get hurt.
Right?
My younger sister, Madeline, being the very wise 15 year old that she is, gave me some advice. She told me to just write down everything that I am feeling, and not edit it. Just write my raw, true feelings. And I am doing that right now. But, for some reason, the only thing I can even think about, is him. All I want, is him. I've know him since 9th grade, and since the day I met him, I've bee crazy about him. So, why in God's name is this hurting me so much? And why am I pushing him away? He wants to be with me. He is willing to risk being hurt to be with me, and I'm being a baby and being too scared. I've been played and hurt by so many guys, and I just don't trust them anymore. I know he isn't like any other guy. He is sweet, genuine, and all around amazing. But, for some reason, my stupid subconscious keeps putting him with all the other douchebags I have dated. I need to snap out of it or I'm going to lose him.
I keep driving people away that I care about. It's like I'm too scared to let people close, because if they hurt me, the pain will be too much. So, if I keep them at arm's length, there is no chance I can get hurt.
Right?
My younger sister, Madeline, being the very wise 15 year old that she is, gave me some advice. She told me to just write down everything that I am feeling, and not edit it. Just write my raw, true feelings. And I am doing that right now. But, for some reason, the only thing I can even think about, is him. All I want, is him. I've know him since 9th grade, and since the day I met him, I've bee crazy about him. So, why in God's name is this hurting me so much? And why am I pushing him away? He wants to be with me. He is willing to risk being hurt to be with me, and I'm being a baby and being too scared. I've been played and hurt by so many guys, and I just don't trust them anymore. I know he isn't like any other guy. He is sweet, genuine, and all around amazing. But, for some reason, my stupid subconscious keeps putting him with all the other douchebags I have dated. I need to snap out of it or I'm going to lose him.
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