Why do I always do this!?
I keep driving people away that I care about. It's like I'm too scared to let people close, because if they hurt me, the pain will be too much. So, if I keep them at arm's length, there is no chance I can get hurt.
Right?
My younger sister, Madeline, being the very wise 15 year old that she is, gave me some advice. She told me to just write down everything that I am feeling, and not edit it. Just write my raw, true feelings. And I am doing that right now. But, for some reason, the only thing I can even think about, is him. All I want, is him. I've know him since 9th grade, and since the day I met him, I've bee crazy about him. So, why in God's name is this hurting me so much? And why am I pushing him away? He wants to be with me. He is willing to risk being hurt to be with me, and I'm being a baby and being too scared. I've been played and hurt by so many guys, and I just don't trust them anymore. I know he isn't like any other guy. He is sweet, genuine, and all around amazing. But, for some reason, my stupid subconscious keeps putting him with all the other douchebags I have dated. I need to snap out of it or I'm going to lose him.
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